letters to my father

Hey Dad,
In my head I keep making lists of things I always want to remember about you. The things that I feel made the world a better place because you were in it. The things I wish I’d told you I loved.

1. You had an iron stomach when it came to food but the slightest hint of a shopping trip made you sick to your stomach. I remember more than one Christmas where you gave me cash and had me buy my own Christmas gifts so that you didn’t have to go shopping.
2. You loved old country music and bluegrass; you were super excited to share Flatt and Scruggs with us.
3. You were almost always home when we got home from school. I know that you really enjoyed the hard work of the farm, but it was amazing to not have to come home to an empty house or a string of baby sitters. (I’m thankful for Mom’s job enabling you to do that too.)
4. You laughed a lot. You loved to pull practical jokes, like the night you coiled a dead garden snake in the fridge on top of the beer to freak Mom out. It did, and we thought it was the best fun.
5. You let us girls braid your hair (what there was of it) and beard, and you frequently walked around with barrettes in both.
6. You liked routine. When I was little, you came in from outside chores to watch The People’s Court with Judge Wapner almost every day. I remember standing on the porch so many nights yelling “Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaddy, it’s Waaaaaaaaaaapner Time” to let you know it was time to come in.
7. You’d wake us up in the morning in the summertime in the most irritating way you could come up with; by thundering up the stars singing “rise and shine and give god your glory, glory” at the top of your lungs.
8. You carried your St. Michael’s medal in your wallet every day.
9. You wore your clothes until they were threadbare. There was one particularly horrendous pair of cut off shorts that would just dangle strings down your legs  and eventually you’d cut the strings off and the shorts got shorter and shorter. You also wore a pair of pants to Wilson’s to get a pizza one night and it wasn’t until you were there that you realized that there was a rip in the seat. Which wouldn’t have mattered so much, except that your bare buttcheek was exposed to all who saw you.
10. When we went grocery shopping with you after you and Mom split up, we’d frequently pick a “new weird fruit or vegetable” or “cheese we’ve never tried” to go home and try.
11. You read a lot. You decided after just a couple of classes that college wasn’t for you, but you spent a great deal of time reading and educating yourself on anything that you found interesting that day. I’d like to think that I inherited this from you.
12. You loved to dye easter eggs and took it very very seriously.
13. You referred to perfumes and body lotions as “stinkums” and although you never really understood our desire for them, you’d brave places to buy them for us in scents that we told you we liked.
14. When we were little and we’d go to get grain, you would sometimes let us pick out a treat. A soda or a candy bar and if one of us wasn’t with you, you would make sure that you brought something back as a surprise. I loved the feed store, you always had a list of what you needed and then we just had to wait for it to be brought out. I loved watching you heft the great 100 pound bags as though they weighed barely anything and remember thinking I had the strongest Dad in the whole world.
15. You loved to tell stories. Growing up, half of your stories started with “I knew this guy–he’s dead/crazy/in jail now…” People loved to listen to you and you were charming and charismatic and people liked to talk to you.

This is an incomplete list, I figure I’ll just come back and add onto it as I think of things. You weren’t perfect Dad, but you were a lot of really great things and I love you and miss you so much.